The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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