They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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