What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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