I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
