just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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