I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
