They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
