I think I am morally bankrupt
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
