Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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