You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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