i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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