if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
