You really coming over, don't trick.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
