she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
