i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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