I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize