I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
