Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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