I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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