I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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