Whod you bang
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
