there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
