So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
