That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's Friday. Sex?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
