I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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