I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
