Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
