What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So vagazzling was a success
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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