Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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