Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have tasted many bathrooms
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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