put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
