So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
