considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
