my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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