Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
