She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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