Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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