after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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