You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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