Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
