I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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