these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
