you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
MIDGETS
????
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
