dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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