idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
