Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
