Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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