I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
