Im at strip club and am horny
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
