on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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