Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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