Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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