Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
