Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
