She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
