A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
