I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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