Your face is a jimmy john
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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