I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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