i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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