i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
