I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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