I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
