you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
