GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
