The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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