I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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