why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
