You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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