I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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