I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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