Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
