if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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